The Bathroom and Toilet Wall as an Art Space

Water Closet. Privy. Dunnie. Khazi. The Can. John... We are very creative when it comes to using euphemisms for the toilet or bathroom. But at the same time we are rather unimaginative when decorating the same space. Is this because we treat the room purely functionally or do we have some kind of barrier imagining it as a place to display art?

Can You Hang Art in the Bathroom?

Yes of course. Just because it's the smallest room, it doesn't mean it can't have big visual appeal. Especially if you're a bit of a grubby bastard that leaves grime in the bath and mould between the tiles. You want to distract people from what is quite literally a toilet and leave them thinking “Yeah. This person's got class”. Pictures on the wall can make anybody forget what a tramp you are.

In fact, adding features is really important. Nobody wants to be staring at blank walls while having a strain. At the same time, you don't want to be so distracted by your mobile phone that during a sit-down weewee you end up peeing over the seat and it all ends up wetting your trousers and floor. Not that I've done this. I'm just saying it COULD happen. No really. Why are you looking at me like that?

 

What sort of art works best in the bathroom?

You want the décor to be aesthetically pleasing and perhaps even inspiring but it should also say something about you. I don't mean horoscope signs or anything. That's a massive no-no. I don't give a crap if you were born under Gemini in the year of the monkey and nor does anybody else. Sorry, if I sound a bit grumpy right now it's because Mercury is in Retrograde this month and its really affecting my mood.

What you display should reflect your personality. That's where humour comes in. Other people are going to be using your facilities and it is the best place to display your cheekiness. Obviously you might be a miserable sod like me in which case it is unlikely you have read this far anyway.

 

Toilet Art Can Send a Message

There are plenty of prints you can hang to show people how to behave. Look at this one.

Personally I find the euphemism pointless. Why would you beat around the bush in a room where you scrape jam out of your toenails or eradicate skin tags from your inguinal region?

Here's one of my examples of communicating your expectations to housemates or visitors:

See. No messing about. I wish I had had one of these for when my neighbour Ken replastered the place. He would make a morning visit like clockwork straight after his bacon sandwich and let me tell you, that man needs a LOT more fibre in his diet. He is a very nice chap though and this reminds me of the time he repaired my wall after a storm had damaged the chimney breast. Ken completely removed it and even shifted around all the furniture for me.

Will Pictures Hung in a bathroom get damaged?

You have to consider the elements. A bathroom can be a steamy place, and not just in the good way. For this reason putting up original drawings and paintings could be a bad move. Also don't discount people's levels of hygiene. Trying to urinate with an erection can splash all up the walls and a hastily removed tampon can flick matter up to the ceiling. Do not let a valuable piece of art get destroyed this way, unless it is a Jackson Pollock that you would like to enhance.

 

Wall Art Prints are your Bath Buddy

This is why prints are the best way forward. They still need to be framed and behind glass for protection. My Uncle Geoff was a fiend for wiping his bogies anywhere he went. Put him behind a locked door and any free area would end up host to his green goblins.

Obviously don't be a moron and hang a piece in the vicinity of the shower stream. Water droplets or the leg of an enthusiast partner over your shoulder can easily damage or displace anything within the area. Also consider a non-slip bath mat for inside your tub if you are performing the latter.

An acquaintance of mine, Axel Sheissfunkel paints works of art with a mystery medium he will not disclose. I have some of his originals and from the smell of them he has definitely previously hung them somewhere damp and mouldy. They have quite a funky odour and over time some of the “paint” has begun to flake off.

For this reason I have made prints of his work and you can see them here:

Axel is very grateful for being featured in my blog and he said he owes me a solid one.

Where Should Pictures be Situated in the Bathroom?

On the wall. Come on. What is this? Oh I'm not doing this anymore. It's all so obvious. I only want this to rank on search engines anyhow. Just buy some of my stuff already. Jeez.